Sunday, February 14, 2010

Unknown Primates

After dinner last evening, I decided to get on the internet for awhile. I wanted to Google 'Primate' just in case Mike Killen and I ever had Jane Goodall on as a guest on the show. To hold at least a somewhat intelligent conversation with a Scientist, one needs to do a little homework. The first Google offering was 'Wikipedia' and so I clicked on that one. I quickly scanned the page and there was a lot of information to be read on primates. I noticed that there were lots of statistics also. I love statistics. And so I started in.

I woke up about an hour later with my head on my chest, a little spittle in the corner of my mouth and a stiff neck. I should have realized that I can't digest statistics while in the process of digesting an evenings meal. The two just don't go together. But I did manage to absorb two facts. Humans are listed in the 'Great Apes' category which surprised me because I know some people that I thought are more in the 'Gibbons' group. Also, that there are 424 species of primates or 658 including subspecies. If scientist know and have studied each of these primates, they must have at least taken a DNA sample. Having decided at this point that we'll probibly never have the chance to have Ms. Goodall on the show anyway and at the moment losing my interest in statistics, I clicked off of Wikipedia. I'll get back to it at a later time I promised myself.

But the thought remained about DNA sampling. If all these primates are neatly packaged by categories, and may have been DNA sequenced, what about the results given for submitted hair and scat samples by Bigfoot researchers? Unknown primate is given. It seems to me and logic might back me up, that there's another primate running around not categorized yet. I think we all know that!

Google also told me that in 2005, at least one group of researchers had a million bucks to find and study the Ivory Billed Woodpecker that was supposedly exinct for 60 years. Now was that money from Government grants or donations, I don't know, but it seems that there should be some cash laying around in some scientific foundation or other to find and study Bigfoot.

However, I think that that is where we, the Bigfoot Community, are missing out. We should lose the well known names of these creatures, but keep the descriptions. People are hesitant about donating money to research Bigfoot, but may dig deep into their foundation funds to try to find an Unknown Primate. But we need to keep in mind that like anything else, to get something, we may have to lose something. We have to give up calling these creatures Bigfoot, Sasquatch, Skunkape, Yeti, Yowie, Boogers (yech) and any other name that has come under skeptic attack and refer them only as 'Unknown Primate'. But hey, a rose by any other name is still a rose!

Our show would become 'The Unknown Primate Quest Show'. Billy Willard's show would become 'Unknown Primate Watch Show'. Abe Del Rio's would be 'MN.UPRT Show' and other shows too numerous to list here would also have to follow suit. Sightings would have to be reported as "ABYZ T.V. reporting live here in Swampview Georgia. Mr. Jones, tell us about your Bigfoot sighting yesturday." " Well, I didn't see a Bigfoot, those things aren't real. What I did see was a 7 foot hairy Unknown Primate over yonder there."

I could suggest other examples, but I'm out of time and space folks. I think you all realize what must be done. See you all next weekend.

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Bob and Mike's e-mail is Bigfootquest@gmail.com

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